Pittsboro, North Carolina. Round 8 of a Regional, Isaac P. Maslow, currently 6-1-1, just presented his deck for his opponent to cut. After receiving back his absentmindedly shuffled cards, Isaac politely strikes up a brief conversation with his opponent, complimenting their playmat design and wishing them the best of luck. Little did he know, however, that his own luck had already ran out.
“This couldn’t have had happened to a less deserving guy…” said Stanley P. Littleton, wiping away his tears. “I played him round 3 and was captivated by his kind nature and polite demeanor. Not only did he bring a highly unappreciated deck, he played it incredibly well! After the match, he sat around and listened to me vent about my marriage for twenty minutes, but instead of being annoyed he offered me a protein bar! An entire protein bar!”
Isaac, deciding to draw first, was completely oblivious to the fact that his top five cards were combining into an grotesquely horrifying abomination of statistical anomalies. “I swear to Regenesis Lord, the man drew Fuwalos, ALERT!, RESCUE!, CONTAIN! and EXTINGUISH!. In that order. I think the universe is out to get him,” muttered Stanley, weeping gently.
After passing on an empty board, Isaac, unaware that his car was in the process of being towed due to a clerical error, saw his opponent play Ice Ryzeal and moments later had his Fuwalos swiftly Ashed. While shuffling for game 2, Isaac didn’t lose out on hope, joking that at least his opponent is unaware of the strategy he’s playing for game 2. Unfortunately for our protagonist, said opponent had already heard talks of the “Polite Rescue-ACE guy” in the top tables and was already siding in backrow hate.
According to witness statements, several people in the audience audibly gasped after seeing Isaac’s game 2 hand, consisting of three Drolls, a Crossout and a Turbulence.
Cards, in order of appearance:
